Funny Sayings

Funny Thoughts, Funny Quotes, Free Inspirational Quotes

Funny sayings are a great way to infuse a little laughter into your day or to simply put a smile on your face. Without a doubt, humor is one of best methods for dealing with the stress of life's challenges and obstacles.

Funny Sayings:

A man who correctly guesses a woman's age may be smart, but he's not very bright. ~ Lucille Ball

That's the thing about Mother Nature, she really doesn't care what economic bracket you're in. ~ Whoopi Goldberg

Before we make love my husband takes a pain killer. ~ Joan Rivers

I told my mother-in-law that my house was her house, and she said, "Get the hell off my property." ~ Joan Rivers

People who throw kisses are hopelessly lazy. ~ Bob Hope

Funny Thoughts on Hallmark Cards:

We have been friends for a very long time... (inside card) - What do you say we stop?

Congrats on getting married... (Inside card) - It's not everyday you decide to ruin your life.

I'm so miserable without you... (Inside card) - It's almost like you're still here.

When we were together, you said you'd die for me... (Inside card) - Now we've broken up, I think it's time to keep your promise.

Congratulations on your promotion. Before you go.... (Inside card) - Will you take the knife from my back? You'll probably need it again.

Happy Birthday! You look great for your age.... (Inside card) - Almost lifelike!

I always wanted to have someone, someone to love. And now that you've come into my life... (Inside card) - I've changed my mind.

Seen on a Tee shirt:

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More Funny Sayings

 

Never go to bed mad. Stay up and fight. ~ Phyllis Diller

I'm using a square bathtub so I can't get a ring. ~ Anonymous

I wish I had a dentist appointment to cancel - it always brightens my day. ~ Anonymous

If I were two-faced, would I be wearing this one?  ~  Abraham Lincoln

Liars need to have a good memory.  ~  Algernon Syndey

A beautiful woman should break her mirror early. ~ Baltasar Gracian

Little things affect little minds. ~ Benjamin Disraeli

We are all born ignorant, but one must work hard to remain stupid. ~ Benjamin Franklin

The worst wheel of the cart makes the most noise. ~ Benjamin Franklin

He who falls in love with himself will have no rivals. ~ Benjamin Franklin

Reward Yourself With A Positive Note

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